Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
