Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
