At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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