When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
