Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dicks are not precious.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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