Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
