I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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