yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
