I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
