Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
