so explain again why im purple
no
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
