she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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