Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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