wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
