I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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