I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
