I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
