I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
