I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
