she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
