I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
