you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
