It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
