I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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