so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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