if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
