I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
