I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
