is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
