The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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