It's Friday. Sex?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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