My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
