Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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