I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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