Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
