I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
