1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
