So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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