If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
