Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
wat bout pragnant strippers??
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
zippers are such a cool invention
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
