You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
