I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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