I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
