we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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