Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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