Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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