we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize