Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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