I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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