the condom got lost in my hair
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
