Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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