I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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