Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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