Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
