Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
