Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I party with great urgency now.
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