I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
