My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
