he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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