I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
This baby is an asshole
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
