I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
