How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
