Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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