why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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