she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
