is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
