Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
